A hand moves…

Singing Image of Fire 

A hand moves, and the fire’s whirling takes different shapes.
All things change when we do.
The first word, “Ah,” blossoms into all others.
Each of them is true.    –Kukai

I recently heard/read this poem and it resonated with me.

We change ourselves when we change our relationship with our story.  Our minds developed into a neural network of stories, as we humans started telling stories around a fire.  Fires are magical and can set us into deep reflection, warm us, or burn through us like a 1000 suns.

I know for myself that I can sit mesmerized by flames, allowing me to step out of my own swirl and just be present in the moment.  And, when I get curious about my own experience with the same level of focus, I can reflect on what stories I am telling myself and choose stories that have more value, and help to guide me to where I want to move toward.

It is through conscious awareness and at the same time surrendering to the process that we have infinite potential to grow and change.  When we bring into alignment, our internal self and our external self, we can shift into the life we want to create.

Tightwads on the Loose

In this episode of StoryJacker, Lyssa Danehy deHart interviews adventurer, traveler, and speaker, Wendy Hinman, author of Tightwads on the Loose.
Tightwads on the Loose tells the story of Wendy and her husband Garth, lured to sea by the promise of adventure. They buy a 31-foot boat that fits their budget better than it fits Garth’s large frame and set sail for an open-ended voyage, never imagining they’d be gone seven years, or cover 34,000 miles at the pace of a fast walk. They live without most “necessities” and learn that teamwork and a sense of humor matter most as they face endless “character-building opportunities.”

There are really two stories happening, the first is the outward adventure and the the second is the internal adventure.  We spend this episode delving into the internal experience and how Wendy was able and willing to leap out of the box and into an adventure.

To find your own copy of Tightwads on the Loose, head over to Wendy’s website, wendyhinman.com or you can find her book on Amazon.  Wendy also is a regular speaker at book stores, libraries, boating clubs and at writing conferences.  If you have the opportunity to go hear her, take it!
StoryJacker is a production of Creative Human Solutions.  Host Lyssa Danehy deHart.  Recording and editing by Lyssa Danehy deHart.  Music from Garageband Loops.  www.creativehuman.me copyright 2015

Preconceptions: how they affect who we see…

Preconceptions affect how we view the world.  They speak to our views of ourselves and others.  Our preconceptions are made up of our biases, experiences, and expectations and they are how we determine our view of  the world.  They are the glasses that we view the world through and they are stuck firmly to our faces.  It’s nearly impossible to take them off.  And, unconsciously, these preconceptions affect how we see other people.  This video shows a fantastic experiment to see how six different photographers photograph one man.  Each photographer gets a story about the man they will photograph.  The story about who the man is, colors their perception of him and shows up in how they view him and ultimately photograph him.  It’s a great reminder to be mindful of how we make assumptions about others.  It’s also a good reminder that we can develop our awareness about our bias’ and challenge the stories that are unconsciously running below our thoughts and behaviors.

You are not a drop in the ocean…

Perspective is a curious thing.  I love this Rumi Quote because it turns our thoughts about ourselves upside down, in a good way.  What if you are not insignificant?  What if you, in fact, are connected to everything and everything was connected to you and through you?  That you are a unique conduit of the energy of the Universe?

I think about this often.  How do I recognize the gifts I have to offer the world and then share those gifts in a meaningful way?  I believe that we each have a unique gift to offer that would improve the world if only we would name it and work to develop it.  And our job, in some respect, is to recognize this in ourselves and to look for it in others.  It’s about becoming confident inside so that we feel empowered to be authentically confident on the outside.

Hedonistic StoryJacking – From TED to you!

The Architect Bjarke Ingels is something of a wunderkind.  Mixing his passion for sustainability with his passion for architecture and beauty.  I saw this TEDTalk several years ago, but a recent conversation brought it to mind again.

I am sharing this video for several reasons.  First and foremost it is freaking cool!  Seriously, you need to watch it and be inspired.  But secondly and also uber important, his thinking is so far outside the box that the world has created that it blows your mind when you start thinking about what it takes to think in such innovative ways.  You have to give up what is known and be willing to dive into possibility.  You have to be curious about doing things in new ways, you have to be willing to ignore the nay sayers (to include you own internal negative dialog) because you are so solid in your own truth that you just blow by those voices, and you have to be courageous as you work the journey.

What would you want or be driven to be curious about?

What if we all started thinking outside the boxes of our own lives?

What would you be willing to look at and give up in order to reach your potential as a person, and share your gifts with the world?

This video gives me hope.  As human beings on this planet we can, if we decide to, undo the messes we are making.  We can stand up and demand that our Governments become innovative, we can demand the same from industry, and we can decide to make changes that support life.  The video also shows how a country, like Sweden, can think outside the box and change how it does business.  Right now Sweden needs trash, yep, you heard that right.  They are importing trash, because they now can’t make enough of their own to power their power plant, which now heats over 900,000 homes and provides electricity to over 250,000 other homes. (facts from Avfall Sverige) It blows my mind.  What a terrific StoryJack, from waste to energy.

I don’t spend time cultivating my phobias.  On the contrary, I explore them for missed opportunities.  Bjarke Ingels

My most important take away is that if Sweden can do this on such an epic scale, what is stopping you and I from transforming and StoryJacking our own lives?

What idea or situation have you been sitting with and allowing to molder, instead of acting on?
What negative self talk or discomfort do you need to explore for opportunities?
Do you think, that maybe, it’s time for a personal revolution? Hedonistic StoryJacking!

Broken Crayons still Color (SJ 4)

Broken Crayons still Color

In this episode of StoryJacker, Lyssa Danehy deHart interviews, Paula Lazarus.  Paula’s shares her personal and courageous journey.  It will resonate with those of us who have had our lives fall apart and then had to pick up the pieces.  Having her life challenged on both the personal and professional fronts, Paula shares how she is rebuilding her life.  She shares some of the struggles inherent in recreating ourselves.  Paula talks about taking ownership of her story and getting clear with herself about how she has participated in her choices.  Supporting herself so that she can become the person she wants to become.  Paula’s candor in looking at how she can transform her life by challenging her thinking about herself and her situation is genuinely honest.  “I don’t have to be a victim, or miserable anymore, and I am going to change my life.”  Paula is a small business owner at PiKL LLC, (www.piklsupport.com).  She works as a virtual assistant to outside sales reps.  

StoryJacker is a production of Creative Human Solutions.  Recording and editing by Lyssa Danehy deHart.  Music from Garageband Loops.  www.creativehuman.me copyright 2015    

Check out this episode!

Choosing to stretch past your comfort zone

He was not bone and feather but a perfect idea of freedom and flight, limited by nothing at all.  Richard Back

You are only limited by your unwillingness to stretch past your comfort zone.  Lyssa M. Danehy deHart

StoryJacking Difficult Conversations – True Kind Necessary

True, Kind, Necessary: How to have difficult conversations and develop better relationships

Imagine a stool, three legs that hold up the seat. Without one of the legs, the stool becomes unstable.

When thinking about True, Kind Necessary in respect to conversations, it’s important to remember to use these ideas together in order to have the best outcome. In happy and agreeing conversations we don’t even have to think about these qualities, because we are having fun and we are not threatening someone else’s view point or sense of themselves. Intent and Impact are very important, especially in difficult conversations or situations. Often times we bring our judgment, ego and opinions into the arena and while we may have a positive intent, we can end up having a negative impact.

True – Obviously we want to be honest in our handling of information and give honest reflection to people. It also helps to truthfully communicate our own feeling and experience, without telling others how they feel, what there intent was, or judging their behavior as the issue. Ask yourself some questions: What is the story I am telling myself about this situation? Am I making any assumptions? Do I have enough information or are there other questions I need to get info on? Am I exaggerating or escalating the truth?

We can rapidly set people up to feel attacked and when that happens, they either tunes us out or we engage them in an argument.  Also, if I am telling you a truth, from my perspective, and I am unkind in my delivery, or it’s really not my place to share my truth, I run a very real risk of landing poorly on you and feeding a fight.  I may be generating a drama story that won’t do me or anyone any good.

Kind – This is the level of how we approach a conversation with compassion and gentleness. We might be sharing our truth without thought to other people’s feelings. In conversations that we have with others we can inadvertently hurt peoples feelings, Intent/Impact. This is especially true in the texting, typing, IM’ing medium. People can’t read our non-verbal body language, we may not even know each other, and so we end responding to things based on how we feel the message is coming at us. If it’s a difficult situation, people may already be defensive. Kindness is about intention. We can decide if our intention is to be helpful or hurtful. If it’s to be helpful and our message still lands poorly, apologizing for the unintended outcome is kindness too.

Necessary – It may take a few questions to yourself to figure out this one:  Why are we vested in sharing our perspective? What’s our goal for the conversation?  Have we been asked for feedback? Or, are we trying to ‘teach’ someone something we think we need to know? Is what we’re about to say, for the greater good of the person we are speaking/writing to?  I also like to ask myself, “Is what I am about to say, think or do, going to take me closer to my goal or farther away?”

There are definitely times that we do need to speak up, maybe we see a way to help someone be more efficient or correct something. Or, we may be setting a healthy boundary on how others speak to us, or what we are willing or not willing to do for someone. The more necessary the conversation is, typically the more painful it runs the risk of being. Which is why adding the elements of True and Kind can help the conversation go better for all parties.

In communication there is another area to consider. Let’s call this the fourth leg of the stool, increasing stability.

Timing – Are you calling someone out in public or private? Are you giving them time to respond or pushing for an instant response? Can you have a face-to-face conversation, even if we are talking Skype versus an email argument or texting war?

Think about our own timing; are we hungry, tired, overwhelmed, or not feeling well? All these factors will effect how we bring ourselves to any difficult conversation.

Giving ourselves time to cool down before responding is helpful too. If I get fired up about something, my brain floods with Adrenaline and Cortisol and increases my reactivity, while decreasing my ability to think through a situation.  Have you ever had an intense conversation and then later think of all the things you wished you had said instead? If I give myself an hour or a day before responding, I have time to engage my thinking brain again and I may come up with a much better response.

We can all get HiJacked by our brain.

Even using these tools will not guarantee a 100% positive outcome in every situation. But, your odds of a better conversation are greatly increased.